The National:

WEDNESDAY July 17 marked the ceremonial opening of the UK Parliament where King Charles delivered the first King's Speech of the Labour Government (which is, as ever, written by the Prime Minister).

It's an event which marks the formal start of the parliamentary term and often attracts a significant TV audience. 

Of course, it just wouldn't be Westminster without more than a couple of ridiculous, overly pompous, and outdated traditions that leave us rolling our eyes.

READ MORE: LIVE: All the updates for Keir Starmer's first King's Speech

We're not just talking about your "my right honorable friend" addresses and the cow-like groans you hear from the backbenchers - that happens every day.

Here's a list of some quite spectacularly bizarre things that happened during the King's Speech.

1. The King's procession from Buckingham Palace

The day kicked-off with the King's carriage procession from Buckingham Palace to Westminster, escorted by the Household Cavalry. This is a union of the two most senior regiments in the British Army; The Life Guards and The Blues & Royals.

Have you fallen asleep or started cursing the wind yet? We've not even got started.

2. Checking for explosives

Yes, you heard us right. Before the King arrived at Parliament, the royal bodyguards known as the Yeomen of the Guard ceremoniously searched Westminster's cellars to check for explosives (we hope they checked for any empty wine bottles hanging around from the last government, too).

This odd tradition dates back to the 1605 Gunpowder Plot, orchestrated by Guy Fawkes, when a group of English Catholics tried to blow up the Protestant King James I in a bid for greater representation.

3. MP held hostage

Because searching for explosives wasn't over-cautious enough, an MP was then ceremoniously held hostage in Buckingham Palace while the King went to Westminster, to ensure the monarch's safe return.

It is usually the Vice-Chamberlain of the Household, a title which makes the MP both a member of the Royal Household and a Junior Whip for the Government.

This time around, it was Samantha Dixon (below), the Labour MP for Chester North and Neston, who was taken hostage.

(Image: UK Government)

It must be nice, being forced to eat finger sandwiches and scones for the next few hours instead of having to put up with all these frankly cringe rituals.

4. The Royal Procession

The monarch then arrived at the Sovereign Entrance and proceeded to the Robing Room, which is not where you get into one of those white spa gowns but rather put on the Imperial State Crown and the Robe of State.

READ MORE: Black Rod's role in Parliament ahead of King's Speech

He led the Royal Procession through the Royal Gallery, packed with hundreds of guests to the chamber of the House of Lords, our favourite place in all the world (said no one ever).

5. The Black Rod 

We then got to perhaps the most confusing and side-splitting bit of this whole affair. This is where the House of Lords official, known as the Black Rod, was sent to summon the Commons

The doors to the Commons chamber were then shut in his or her face, a practice dating back to the Civil War, symbolising the Commons' independence from the monarchy.

Yes, this is the place where laws are made (and broken it seems), not the Christmas panto. Please do stay with us after the interval and enjoy your ice cream.

6. The knocks

The National:

Speaker Sir Lindsey Hoyle (left) with Lady usher of the Black Rod Sarah Clarke

The Black Rod then struck the door three times before it is opened, only that way will our MPs know their takeaway has arrived. 

READ MORE: What time is the King's Speech and how to watch

Members of the House of Commons then followed Black Rod and the Commons Speaker to the Lords Chamber, standing at the opposite end to the throne, known as the Bar of the House, to listen to the speech.

Yes, we've finally got there, where we found out stuff we already know and where the UK Government will inevitably not deliver enough. Oh and, in case you didn't already know, the King only read the speech, the Government wrote it. 

7. The mace 

The National:

The mace in Parliament is the symbol of royal authority and without it neither House can meet or pass laws.

Yup. It's a silver gilt ornamental club of about five feet in length, dating from the reign of Charles II, and you might remember when former SNP MP Drew Hendry was suspended from the House when he picked up the mace in December 2020 in a fit of rage. We feel you Drew. Upon every session, the mace is placed at the foot of the Speaker's rostrum.

Have we missed any bizarre traditions? Let us know in the comments.