The islands deserve more than just a mention as campaigning heats up

I travelled the country explaining democracy, proportional representation, and devolution to classes of small children. Watching their eyes glaze over as I kept to my script was as awful for them as it was for me. Doing the same in Gaelic was arguably worse – none of us were sure of the vocabulary. There is actually a specific dictionary called “Faclair na Pàrliamaid” for these situations, but a presentation already lacking in energy and excitement was not improved by the need for a dictionary.

I presented the same content for adults, in both languages, sucking the will to live out of many language classes and community groups as I went. It wasn’t long before I discovered that though my colleagues were lovely, I am not someone who finds it easy to stick to a script or toe any line. It wasn’t long before the Parliament and I parted company!

The job, brief though it was, taught me lots of things. I can tell you off the top of my head that the 129 MSPs consist of 73 constituency MSPs, that Scotland is split into eight regions and that each region also has seven list MSPs. At one point, I could recite the names of every single representative …

Aside from the intricacies of the ­Additional Member System (AMS), I also learnt where you most likely will find ­parking around Holyrood and which Highland hotels are to be avoided like the plague (coach tour ones, predominantly).

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How to avoid cheap entertainment ­provided for unsuspecting German ­tourists aside, my main learnings were that most people have absolutely no idea about what is and is not devolved, that the system of voting we have for the Scottish Parliament is generally misunderstood, and that the Parliament and political ­parties are no better at explaining it than I was.

That was 2006, and not much has ­improved since in the way of explaining ­devolution, as evidenced perfectly by the lesser-spotted LibDems recently. Their only headline in Scotland so far has been for complaining about dentists – which is a devolved matter. But since it will help them stick the boot into the SNP, who cares about the detail? That approach is depressingly consistent across the parties.

Speaking of which, never one for ­detail but both depressing and consistent is Lee Ande-son. He last week again suggested ­asylum seekers/migrants/foreigners/Liz Truss/root vegetables (­delete as ­applicable) should be ­dispatched to the Scottish islands. Presumably because “no-one lives there” or “­stupid people live there”. Either one seems to work for right-wing clowns inside the M25.

I guess as the election campaigning hots up, we can expect more of that nonsense alongside the usual promises. Once ­someone limps past the wretched post, our islands will no doubt be the proud recipients of every bit of detritus floating around the political arena.

“Net zero? Let’s get rid of people in the islands and use the entire thing as a carbon sink.” “Defence? Does Unst have space for ­Trident?“

At this rate, we’re about a week off the suggestion that St Kilda would make the perfect destination for the economically inactive.

Mind you, it’s generous to assume that the Sassanaich in question could find St Kilda, given that the Labour Party ­advised their campaigners in Shetland that they should pop over to help in the ­Western Isles. Presumably they have ­given up hope of a win in Shetland and are instead pinning everything on their Na h-Eileanan an Iar candidate Torcuil Crichton and his fetching red Mini.

Torcuil and his wee Mini are ­buzzing from the Butt to Barra with gusto, no doubt spurred on by the news that ­unsurprisingly, Alba have thrown their questionable weight behind the ­incumbent, ex-SNP MP, Angus Brendan MacNeil.

Labour are slated to do well with the eileanach voters tired of their current SNP representation, but I’d have a little more faith if party officials could put a pin in a map.

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The Western Isles may not be the only area tiring of its SNP representation. It will be interesting to see how the SNP vote share does across the Highlands and Islands. The last few years of Bute House-related mishaps (ferries, stoves, HPMAs etc) have certainly shaken the trust of many, and a swing to Labour wouldn’t be surprising.

On the other hand, in most parts of ­Scotland, the desire to give the ­Westminster Tories a kicking is ­probably stronger than the qualms about ­Scottish Government decisions. Certainly in my part of the world, if the goal is to send the Tories into oblivion, a vote in any ­direction other than SNP would be ­wasted.

OTHER than using us as the political equivalent of a skip, you can’t help feeling that the major parties in Westminster have all but washed their hands of Scotland as a battleground.

Sunak may have made a beeline for the Highlands as the news of an ­election broke, but his whistle stop tour did ­little to inspire any great confidence that ­leaders south of the Border are paying even a modicum of attention to those living north of the Border.

In a similar vein, Starmer dropped into Greenock to talk about GB Energy as if renewable energy in Scotland is a brand-new idea, and then flew right back out again on a jet. I guess the leaders can now tick “The Very Far North” off their to-do list and instead focus on the North, which I’m reliably informed is somewhere around Birmingham.

For the sake of fairness, let’s acknowledge that other parties exist.

The Scottish Greens have ­successfully created an image that is distinct from their English counterparts, a good thing in my book – Labour and the LibDems would have done well to have done the same – but the contempt with which ­rural Scotland currently views the Greens means that any surge south of the Border will not be replicated in “The Very Far North”.

Speaking of the LibDems – which no-one is – their leader is following the now traditional policy of clowning around in a desperate attempt to attract press attention.

Falling off a paddle board is easy but breaking through the SNP, Labour and Tory triad is a darn sight harder. If only they’d had the last five years in the ­wilderness to come up with some policies that cut through in Scotland, or England, or frankly anywhere.

It’s that lack of policy cutting through positively which is the most frustrating thing for those of us in the Highlands and Islands. No matter the party, whether it’s Westminster or Holyrood, whether the matter is devolved or not, the only time the Highlands and Islands seem to merit a mention is when there is money to be made, rewilding to be done or carbon to be sequestered.

At the moment, the best we can hope for is that the candidates will bring change. And that’s definitely a story we’ve heard before.