CONVERSION therapy almost killed me. Starting from age 14, I was subjected to a cruel and sustained campaign at the hands of my mother to deny my sexuality, which lasted for years. I almost took my own life when I was still a child because I couldn’t bear the impossible situation I was in. I was suicidal for most of my teenage years, and when I wasn’t suicidal I was depressed, anxious, or bulimic.
After moving away from home for university I was able to escape the treatment I had become used to, and I realised what happened to me wasn’t normal or right. I was finally able to cut off ties and to access the help and therapy I needed (and had been denied) to begin to process what I went through. I still have PTSD and I likely will for the rest of my life; I take pills every day and I still wake up screaming from nightmares most nights. Conversion therapy robbed me of my childhood, my family and my home.
When I was 14 I would have loved it if I could have been converted. I learned gay people existed and gay people were evil in the same sentence. I was raised knowing that being gay was not an option. So I would have given anything to avoid the situation I inevitably faced as a young teenager; as my mum put it, “I don’t have a gay son”.
READ MORE: Expert group to advise Scottish Government on conversion therapy ban
My choice was clear: I could be gay, or I could remain part of the family, but I couldn’t do both. Do you not think that I would have kept my family and avoided the misery of the next few years if I could have changed my sexuality? But conversion therapy does not work. It is impossible to change fundamentally unchangeable aspects of yourself, no matter how much hatred or cruelty is thrown your way.
Gay people exist. Homophobes don’t like that, but take my word for it - we cannot be changed, converted, or cured. Attempts to change us are rooted in hatred, not reality, and they need to be banned. So why should it be different for trans people facing the same fate as I did? Trans people exist. Transphobes don’t like that but no amount of “therapy” is going to stop a trans person from being trans. Trying to stop trans people from being trans is conversion therapy and it is based on the exact same hatred that almost cost me my life.
READ MORE: Joanna Cherry should lose whip amid conversion therapy row, SNP groups say
Support would not be prohibited under proposed conversion therapy bans. Lots of people struggle with their sexuality or their gender identity and need help processing that. I did. The affirmative therapy I received after escaping conversion therapy helped me come to terms with being gay. That’s what affirmative therapy is, and a conversion therapy ban would not ban that.
What a ban would try to stop is non-affirmative therapy: therapy that has a preferred or desired outcome, namely conversion. Imagine I was sent to a therapist whose job it was to make me ‘feel comfortable in heterosexuality’ - would you not call that conversion therapy? A therapist who is intending to make someone ‘feel comfortable in their birth sex’ when they are trans is a conversion therapist.
Listen to survivors when we say this: end conversion therapy in all of its forms. I’m one of the lucky ones. I made it out. Remember all of the stories you are not hearing, from people without my privilege or this platform, and from the many many people who didn’t survive or who didn’t make it out.
Why are you making commenting on The National only available to subscribers?
We know there are thousands of National readers who want to debate, argue and go back and forth in the comments section of our stories. We’ve got the most informed readers in Scotland, asking each other the big questions about the future of our country.
Unfortunately, though, these important debates are being spoiled by a vocal minority of trolls who aren’t really interested in the issues, try to derail the conversations, register under fake names, and post vile abuse.
So that’s why we’ve decided to make the ability to comment only available to our paying subscribers. That way, all the trolls who post abuse on our website will have to pay if they want to join the debate – and risk a permanent ban from the account that they subscribe with.
The conversation will go back to what it should be about – people who care passionately about the issues, but disagree constructively on what we should do about them. Let’s get that debate started!
Callum Baird, Editor of The National
Comments: Our rules
We want our comments to be a lively and valuable part of our community - a place where readers can debate and engage with the most important local issues. The ability to comment on our stories is a privilege, not a right, however, and that privilege may be withdrawn if it is abused or misused.
Please report any comments that break our rules.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel