IT’S less than 50 days until the delayed Tokyo Olympics.
Whether it is simply the chance to become an Olympian or the possibilities of achieving the medal that some of them have worked their entire life for, my sporting friends have been speaking about their hopes and dreams.
But even as I sit on the phone listening to my good friend tell me about his hopes in Japan, I am sat looking at my computer screen where the Japanese public are making their feelings knowing about the games.
Two sides of the same coin. Rather than judging, I try to encourage people to look with compassion to both points of view. Compassion doesn’t come naturally to us humans.
You could argue this is an evolutionary program that was downloaded into our minds millions of years ago to keep us safe and alive as our environment presented many predators that endangered our existence. Unfortunately, as the world has evolved, our minds didn’t get a software update. If is not as if we plug our minds into a bigger machine like we do with our phones to get an upgrade so we can run more efficiently.
What does this mean to us as a human species? It means rather than showing compassion, we judge. Judging is much easier. Possibly linked to the negative bias we process, it is evident all around.
Even reading this you’re judging. You might be thinking 'what does this guy know?' or have a very hard-wired opinion of your own around the Olympics.
I challenge you in life to observe your inner thoughts about situations you come across in life and notice what emotions they create in your body. Challenge yourself on them - especially if you feel you’re going into judging mode. Try to bring more compassion into your life and see how this might change your perception of life around you.
Why am I talking about this today? You might be thinking - or judging - that you have picked up a paper not on sport but mindfulness and self-help. But this is exactly the reason I am bringing this up.
As I wait for my scan results on Monday, I feel like I have hit rock bottom this week.
One thought was that I can’t take the fear of scans anymore, and the easiest way out of that journey is to not be alive. That way I will never face another scan again.
As this conversation takes hold of me - coupled with coming off my bike on Wednesday - I found myself unable to move on Thursday. As I lay on my bed looking out the window at the sun and the trees blowing in the wind, I just could not pull myself off the bed. I cried, punched the pillow and was angry at myself for wasting a day.
I judged myself as weak and was guilty that I was wasting a day when others don’t get the chance I have at life. I was a spiralling down into a dark place, but I finally caught myself. I reminded myself that its okay to feel low, its okay to cry and to feel angry.
These are human emotions. So I told myself not to judge but to have more compassion for myself; to be more kind to my body and mind.
Now this can be perceived as a vulnerable position, especially in the world of the alpha male. However, it is this exact mindset that makes it hard for people to be more compassionate with themselves, this perception that you must be strong and push on all the time.
Remember behind every athlete there is a human being. And before you judge or join the keyboard warriors to attack someone, pause and think with your updated software. Put compassion ahead of judging and ask yourself what if it was you of a loved one in that position, how would you want to be treated.
As Friday came around, I had put both feet on the floor again. I said to myself it was okay to feel low yesterday, but that has passed.
Now what for today and the weekend before my scan results land and I must deal with that. What do I do to celebrate my life and to embrace my friends’ dreams of what lies ahead over the next 50 days?
My first port of call was to check in with a psychologist who specializes in cancer as I am aware enough that I can’t do this journey alone and talking to someone who is not emotionally attached to me is key.
It can be hard as people often message me to tell me how strong I am, but truth be told I am just coping the best I can with my situation.
I am not always strong, and I am scared as hell of the path I am on. I am a human being, not a machine.
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