"ALMOST nobody tells the truth in Johnson’s government, a cesspit and the most distrustful, awful environment I’ve ever worked in.” His government summed up by ex-Tory minister and former army officer John Mercer.

Today’s column, however, is less about individual failings – although there’s more about these below – rather, I want to make a larger point about the total inadequacy of the governance of the UK.

Here’s a question for all who like quizzes. What do integrity, objectivity, accountability, transparency and honesty have in common? These are all words deleted from Johnson’s preface to the new ministerial code. Thus weakening one of the few constitutional safeguards that remain.

But let’s pause to congratulate Steve Barclay on being appointed new English health secretary. He is absolutely the man to bring order and consistency to government. In unrelated news, as Brexit secretary, Steve Barclay voted against a government motion he himself proposed just 20 minutes earlier.

And we ought not to overlook the new Chancellor’s major contributions to public life. Nadhim Zahawi has a £100 million property empire, including a £20 million London townhouse. You may also recall he reportedly charged taxpayers (inadvertently?) £60,000 for heating his stables.

Here’s another question. How many serving British parliamentarians are also Irish citizens? The answer is 321. This means that they have sworn loyalty to the Queen and her successors, while at the same time agreeing to support the Irish state and thereby its constitution. Seems the UK has the world’s most flexible parliamentarians While Labour south of the Border declare they are utterly opposed to Tory policies, we hear that Labour in Edinburgh has suspended two of its councillors who would not agree to join with the Tories in a grubby deal to keep the SNP – the largest party – out of control of the council.

In addition, Labour, or a tiny, inconsequential Scottish part of it, has promised to reform the House of Lords. Again. This vow has been touted since 1910, and generally re-appears when a moribund party wishes to seem progressive. The failed leader is then promptly elevated to the very institution he previously condemned.

Sticking with Labour, it seems to have developed a death wish. It is hard to think of a more unappealing line for Scottish voters than to say Labour is opposed to repealing Brexit and will have no dealings with the SNP.

Picture the scene, Labour gets a slim majority of seats at the next UK election but insufficient to ensure the confidence of the House. Is Keir Starmer seriously suggesting that he will not hightail it to Her Maj for her assent to form a government because he will not talk to the SNP? What arrant nonsense. Many people reckon politicians would sell their granny to get their hands on power, and he won’t talk?

We are told he says this because he is afraid of Tory publicity painting him as a progressive. Of course, that would never do.

It’s the same with Brexit. He speaks of petty reforms when many in the progressive left yearn for its repeal. Insiders claim he needs to do this to avoid upsetting those in the so-called Red Wall seats who responded to the anti-immigrant ranting of Brexiteers.

At the very time, the country is crying out for moral leadership and integrity in public life – Westminster is stuffed with political leaders who want to appease and kowtow to extremists. Happy to grub a vote anytime and anyhow.

What Starmer ought to do is this. Fess up and declare that Westminster is a cesspit. And that he will combine with all progressive elements to ditch first past the post and make the voting system proportional. After all, the Tories would have struggled to get their huge (or indeed any) majorities over the last decades under a proportional arrangement. Fat chance.

Let’s be clear the reason we are all in this predicament is not because of a nasty, perfidious PM heading a dissolute party with a supine opposition. It’s because we have no set rules. No one quite knows what ought to happen when people behave badly. In the absence of clear, unambiguous rules, it is no surprise that politicians abuse democratic principles.

Even some diehard rightwingers deplore the present system, with its multiplicity of constitutional loopholes easily exploited by lowlifes such as Johnson. Here is Lucy Allan, Tory MP for Telford: “A transfer of power to a new leader without a democratic mandate, I would completely oppose that. If we change leader, we need a new mandate from the people, not the MPs.”

The UK constitution is not worth the paper it’s not printed on.

Columnist Alistair Heather is the guest on the TNT show. Join us at 7pm on Wednesday on IndyLive