THE Jouker has many friends – and some of them are even Unionists – but a particular chum is a theatre actor and director who, on condition of the usual anonymity, agreed to take a look at Rishi Sunak’s performance at the despatch box as he delivered his Budget to the House of Commons.

“Reminds me of Margaret Thatcher,” said our thespian chum. What? How can ultra-smooth, ultra-rich Sunak be anything like the grocer’s daughter?

Patiently, as if speaking to the village idiot and not the suave and sophisticated type which The Jouker is, our friend laid out his case.

“Look at the early appearances of Sunak,” he said. “There was no doubt that he was a bright guy and quite puppyish as he was so keen to please. Yet he was gauche in his mannerisms and frankly looked awkward.

“He also sounded as if he was reading from press releases drawn up by Boris Johnson’s press officers, or maybe his wife Carrie.

“He just didn’t cut the mustard as a public figure at first, and I didn’t think he was going anywhere fast.

“Now I am absolutely sure what we saw with this Budget is that we were looking at someone carrying out a dress rehearsal for his next role as the prime minister of the United Kingdom.”

Really? What happened to him then?

“Well, it’s obvious to the trained eye,” said the thespian. “He’s had acting lessons, and bloody good ones too.

“Remember how awful Margaret Thatcher was when she first appeared on the scene. She just wasn’t ministerial potential, not at all. All frump and, ugh, that high-pitched voice and those crooked gnashers.

“But then Saatchi and Saatchi and Gordon Reece got a hold of her and, whisper this, Laurence Olivier himself got her speech lessons. Hey presto, Madeover Maggie ruled the roost.”

So Sunak’s had the treatment?

“I’d bet on it,” said the actor/ director. “Even while Johnson was waffling at PMQs, Sunak was fairly obviously mentally rehearsing what he was going to say.

“He also only sparingly looked at the text in front of him – a sign of huge rehearsals.

“He’s a vastly improved performer and it was noticeable how he looked left and right and rarely at the benches opposite – an old trick to stop you being distracted.

“As for the hand movements, the slashing and waving. The only people who do that in real life are television reporters and ... actors. And politicians, once they have been trained to.”

So who has been responsible for sorting Sunak?

“Obvious,” said our source. “Someone who wants Johnson gone – Dominic Cummings.”