The National:

FURTHER details of the Royal Yacht that even the royals don’t want to be associated with have been revealed - and it’s as bonkers as you would think.

Buckingham Palace dubbed it “too grand”, and now that some of the specifics of the “bespoke” boat have come out, that description is beginning to sound like an underestimation.

A UK navy blog has released some new details - and claims the yacht will be a staggering 7500 tonnes, which is roughly twelve times as heavy as the Christ the Redeemer statue in Brazil, though it is doubtful it will bring the Tories any closer to true redemption.

Despite the Brexiteers' focus on “world-beating” things, this yacht will also be less than half the weight of the world’s largest.

READ MORE: Boris Johnson announces £200m flagship to promote 'best of British'

And, at 125 meters long - it will only be a bit smaller than the height of the Great Pyramid of Giza which sits at 130m high.

This length would make it the joint-23rd longest yacht in the world.

So, what will this big but not world-beatingly big yacht contain?

A “spacious flight deck” to accommodate helicopters, clearly very important, will be a main feature - but sadly it won’t have an aircraft hangar. The Tories have to pinch pennies somewhere after all.

The National:

This successor to the Royal Yacht Britannia (a model of which is shown above) was dubbed “essentially a small cruise ship with some bespoke enhancements specific to her role”.

The navy blog argues that this is great as “the demand for small cruise ships is likely to grow in the next decade and this project would help with upskilling, potentially making British shipbuilding more competitive in this market again”.

British shipbuilding will have a long way to go. On the totemic list of ten longest yachts in the world, seven were built in Germany. One was built in Denmark and one in Italy.

The tenth actually was built in the UK, but in 1865.

READ MORE: Even the Queen thinks Boris Johnson’s ‘royal yacht’ plan is ridiculous

Considerations from the 19th century are high on the list for the Tory party though, yearning for the days of empire as they do.

More modern issues, such as climate change, are a bit lower down the list. The government’s new yacht will attempt to be eco-friendly though, with a mixture of diesel and electric propulsion and the chance to retrofit hydrogen or biofuel propulsion as the technologies mature.

But surely, not building it at all would be the most eco-friendly move? In a climate crisis, building a giant boat for the elite surely shouldn’t be at the top of the priority list?

And for the elite it surely is, with exclusive VIP areas, a conference centre, press briefing room and a reception room for up to 200 people. This boat isn’t for your average punter.

The National:

Do the Tories think that taking the press into international waters will help them? Do they intend to start chucking them off board if the copy isn’t up to scratch? After all, what happens on the as-yet-not-named boat will probably stay there.

And the navy have changed their tune and swung round to support the yacht - now that it isn’t being paid for out of their budget. Quelle surprise.

But where is the £200 million allegedly set aside for the project actually coming from?

By the looks of it, no-one knows.

The blog said: “The £200m budget for the project has been approved by Cabinet but it has not been decided whether this will be by direct grant from the Treasury or shared across Whitehall.”

READ MORE: Scotland's political leaders slam Boris Johnson's £200m plan for new royal yacht

With a competition on the final design to be launched this year, we can only guess that the drawing with the most red, white and blue, or splattered in Union flags will be the winner.

After all, isn’t that the Tories' only tactic? Faux-nationalism wrapped up in a flag, while in the background they cut away at the backbone of our society and hope that no one notices.

Bizarrely, this navy blogger seems to believe that £200m is a “modest” amount to spend on a boat - and equates the money to the same amount it takes to run the NHS for 12 hours.

Considering we are in the middle of a pandemic, you would think that would take priority.

But the author is unfazed by the cost, saying that the boat will “go well beyond just paying for itself by securing trade deals”. That really would be impressive.