THE world and his auntie are heading to Glasgow next year for the Cop26 global environmental summit, and one of the principals will be former US senator, presidential nominee and secretary of state John Kerry.
When he was being introduced by president-elect Joe Biden as the first-ever American special envoy on climate, Kerry rightly pointed to the Glasgow meeting as being crucial for the future of the planet.
Kerry said: “At the global meeting in Glasgow one year from now, all nations must raise ambition together or we will all fail together, and failure is not an option.”
He is, of course, absolutely right and we must all look forward to the success of Cop26 in Glasgow ... which Kerry unfortunately pronounced with the second syllable rhyming with “cow”.
So in order to help Kerry and all participants in Cop26, here’s The National’s guide to the pronunciation of place names in and around Glasgow, and soon we’ll print a wee guide to some of the esoteric distinctions of the city’s culture – i.e. stuff only a weegie wid unnerstaun.
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For instance, the city’s most famous thoroughfare is probably Sauchiehall Street, but most Glaswegians pronounce it “Suckieha’ Street”. Don’t ask why, they jist dae.
Hillhead and Townhead are important districts, but are known colloquially as Hullheid and Toonheid.
There really is a place in Glasgow called Auchenshuggle, pronounced as it is written, while you should never confuse the five areas that start with Kelvin: -bridge, -side, -grove, -dale and -haugh. Kelvinhaugh is pronounced “Kelvinhaw”, but so too is the Kelvin Hall, just to make things difficult.
As for Halfway or Halfwayhouse, pronounced “Hofway” or “Hofwayhoose”, don’t go past there on a trip south of the Clyde or you will be halfway to Paisley, which is why it is so named.
As for the city’s suburbs, you’ll be judged as a local if you go to Milngavie and say “Mullguy” rather than “Mill-and-Gavie”, and we are not going to even start on the pronunciation wars surrounding Bearsden, which can either have the emphasis on the first or second syllables.
A special guidebook could be produced to assist visitors to locate places like the Briggait, Paddy’s Market and the Barras. Perhaps with Janey Godley as the author?
Whatever you do Mr Kerry and co, enjoy our largest city. It’s rerr.
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