IT can be a bit of an ordeal extricating yourself from a job. The ritual humiliation of “funny” (read toe-curlingly embarrassing) farewell speeches. The leaving drinks haunted by the fear that no-one will show up because your colleagues always secretly hated you.
But there was no such trauma for Theresa May, who has finally relinquished her post as leader of the Tories. Specially in her honour, the London Dungeon hosted a leaving bash to mark the occasion.
It probably wasn’t as much fun as the Conservative Party Conference, which May enjoys so much she can’t stop herself from dancing at it. And it was definitely not as thrilling as running through wheat fields. But the Tories are fond of a good horror story.
The dungeon had an impressive line-up of performers, including drag acts Lydia L’Scabies and Cynthia Seaward. DJs welcomed guests with a themed playlist, including classic tracks such as Dancing Queen and Fields of Gold. Robotic dancing was actively encouraged. Revellers agreed it was the perfect venue to celebrate May’s gruesome tenure at Number 10. Attractions at the dungeon include the Tyrant Boat Ride and the Torture Chamber, otherwise known as the House of Commons.
Evening events at the dungeon – billed as “strictly for adult traitors” – encourage guests to steel their nerves “with a tot of gin or an authentic Victorian cocktail served by a darkly mischievous barmaid in the Gin Bar”. The blurb on the website continues: “After delving into the dressing-up box, it’s time to leave the modern, working world behind and embark on a thrill-filled journey through 1000 years of London’s murky past – guided by a cast of London’s most infamous rogues and villains.”
Unconfirmed reports suggest Jacob Rees-Mogg was right at home. He didn’t even have to avail himself of the dressing-up box.
This, of course, was not May’s official leaving do. Rumours have it that Andrea Leadsom has organised a surprise girls’ night out for her former boss.
To avoid unwanted fan attention from punters keen for selfies and autographs, the party is to be held in Scotland. For extra security, Amber Rudd will be on door duty to ensure a hostile environment is maintained at all times.
Sources have revealed the evening is to be held at Glasgow’s Savoy, which is similar in name only to its London counterpart. But after a few Bacardi Breezers, I’m sure Theresa and the rest of the gals will be none the wiser.
The highlight of the night will be a performance from a Full Monty-style outfit – a group of guys forced into the world of male stripping after job losses and Universal Credit left them destitute. Further details are sketchy. Security is tight for fear Dave, Boris and the rest of the Bullingdon Boys gatecrash the party. The last thing Teezy and co want when they’re dancing round their handbags is the night spoiled by those rowdies lowering the tone with their pig’s head japes.
Before the partygoers slip out of their heels and head back to the Travelodge in their stocking soles, the evening will end with a tour around the city in a fire engine party limo. Just a wee parting reminder for May that we still need to be cut out of the wreckage of the Brexit car crash.
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