DEAR Angry,

I think it’s pretty obvious to anyone with a cunning eye for talent that Mhairi Black is the future of the SNP. From her passionate speeches to her tremendous empathy, she truly represents everything good about politics. However, I can’t help but think that she could use a makeover. Some might say that this is an arrogant take, but when you consider how good looking and stylish I am, I think you’ll agree that the opinion is valid. Look, don’t get me wrong, I’m not singling her out here. I once had this view about a young Nicola Sturgeon, who many years ago merely looked like an awkward Drumchapel-based lawyer with a cat on her head. Thanks to my amazing guidance, she evolved into the greatest Scottish politician – besides myself – that’s ever lived.

If Mhairi wants to be a leader one day, she simply needs to look in the mirror and see less Mhairi Black and more me. The hand gestures, the eyebrows, the smugness – all of these things are key to success. Freeing your country isn’t about being true to yourself, it’s about looking like the kind of person that people could imagine having a best-selling book or a highly rated television show on a Russian propaganda network one day. I’m not judging Mhairi, I simply wish to improve her, so that people can say “Wow, man! If it weren’t for you, First Minister Black would never have happened!” Isn’t that the future we all want?
Aleksandr
Moscow

SINCE her SNP debut, Mhairi Black has divided opinion across the board. Some say that she’s too working class. Others say that she’s not working class enough. Some have held up tweets she made as a teenager deriding mathematics and the awesomeness of Tennent’s lager as evidence that she cannot be a politician. Others have said that such actions make her human, and therefore a far better representative of Scotland than the lizard people in the Conservative Party.

Regardless of what’s been said about her, for me, there is one word that immediately springs to mind upon hearing Mhairi Black’s name – genuine.

In an age where everybody is a fake, and politicians are more plastic than ever, Mhairi is a breath of fresh air to say the least. Any suggestion that she needs a “makeover” is frankly baloney. Unlike the majority of people sat upon Westminster benches, I consider Mhairi to be a true believer. Somebody that I’d trust to keep up with the round system in the pub. Somebody I know would let people get off the bus before trying to get on the bus. Somebody that would put the item separator down at the checkout at the supermarket. Somebody who would yell expletives at the television whenever Tony Blair appeared. All in all, she seems like a thoroughly good egg, and any attempts to change her style simply risks implanting unwanted insecurity in her mind and diluting what makes her such a great person to begin with.

How self-conscious Mhairi is about her image is honestly irrelevant to me. She could turn up to Prime Minister’s questions wearing a Ramones shirt with a bottle of Buckie in her hand and I’d still think that she made more sense than 99 per cent of people in Parliament. Moreover, I’ve noticed that politicians who are particularly preoccupied with their appearance tend to be the ones least likely to better things for the average citizen. As a matter of fact, when you consider how much pampering the likes of Donald Trump require, it’s amazing that they still find time in their day to ruin the lives of the poor and jeopardize world peace at all.

If I was to advise Mhairi Black in any capacity, I would simply tell her to keep being herself. She’s made it to the big leagues without compromising who she is – which is the future I want for all young MPs. We should no longer be living in an age where you need to sell out in order to get ahead. Mhairi Black is an original, and in a world where most politicians look like they’ve been photocopied in some sort of twisted Acme Factory, she stands out by being honest in both message and appearance. The last thing she needs is a makeover.

In the end, the most important thing in life is to say what you mean, and I’d trust Mhairi Black to live by such a credo. People should be allowed to dress how they want, and politicians represent the people, so it follows that they should be granted the same freedom. Would I like it if Mhairi adopted a pink beret and glasses as a gimmick? Hell yes! Would I prefer that she keeps true to her own identity? Doubly so!