ARE there no end to Meghan Markle’s talents? The tabloids were fair afroth with the news that the Duchess of Sussex BAKED A CAKE! That, and a bun in the oven. She really is doing her bit for queen and country on the royal jolly Down Under.
The duchess had whipped up a chocolate chip and ginger banana bread for her visit to a farm in Dubbo, Australia, where she was meeting farmers who have been badly hit by drought. A slice of cake was bound to take their minds off their withering crops.
Whatever next? Hot on the heels of the cake revelation came news that … drum roll ... she had strolled barefoot on Bondi Beach! A word of caution, though. The last royal feet that were bared for the delight and delectation of the public were Fergie’s. And that didn’t end well.
Meanwhile, back in Oz, Meghan is working her socks off to please the public. And there’s plenty more opportunity to shine. The couple’s all-inclusive deal lasts another fortnight. By the time she and Harry have completed their jaunt, we might even have forgotten about Brexit.
I can just hear them at Establishment HQ discussing Operation Let-them-eat-cake: “The baby news worked a treat, Toby, but we need something more, what with the pickle old Teasy’s in with Brexit.”
“How about a cake? The plebs seem to love them. Great British Bake Off has been a masterstroke. Keeps them occupied. Takes their minds off all that poppycock about austerity.”
“Spiffing, old chap. Just the ticket …”
Of course, Meghan isn’t the first royal to hit the headlines on the back of baked goods. King Alfred was way ahead of the game on that front in the ninth century.
The story goes that while on the run from the Vikings, he sought refuge in the home of a peasant woman who asked him to watch the cakes she was baking by the fire. Alas, the king became distracted thinking about how to save Britain from the Vikings. The rest, as they say, is history.
Except, it’s not. The story of Alfred’s burnt cakes has been shot down in flames, exposed as a couthy tale to warm the hearts of the subjects and paint the king as a national hero with a common touch.
Thanks to Professor Rory McTurk, of Leeds University, we now know that one of England’s best-loved tales of patriotism was a piece of blatant propaganda pinched from the enemy. In a paper published last year on rival baking-related tactics, McTurk revealed that Alfred’s cakes were stolen from a Norse saga in which they were used as a symbol to big up the virtues of Ragnar Hairybreeks, a legendary Viking hero.
McTurk, an expert in Viking history and Norse mythology, explained: “Hairybreeks is a largely legendary figure, but chieftains claiming to be his sons led the first Viking invasion of Alfred’s kingdom in 865AD.”
How better to wreak revenge on looters and pillagers than to steal their recipe for cake-based propaganda?
Such a tale of derring-dough.
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