ARE you feeling the love? Are you filled with a warm and fuzzy glow inside? I thought I did, but it turned out to be gas from the lamb bhoona that was for dinner. It’s been a week for warm and fuzzy love ins. Boris Johnson has delivered what was billed as a love letter for Valentine’s Day to people who didn’t believe his crap that was written on the side of a bus.

Here in Scotland, Scotland in Union has asked people to write about their love for the “Union” on Valentine’s Day, a project which they unveiled by having a go at the almost half the Scottish population who rather have nothing to do with their so-called Union. Meanwhile, not to be outdone, the Labour party branch office in Scotland released a new party political broadcast, one of those paeans to socialist jam that Labour is only interested in when it’s in opposition.

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Boris Johnson’s speech this week was billed in advance as a plea to Remain voters to get on board the Brexit bus. It was remarkably short of detailed information, such as the destination of the bus and any explanation of how it was going to avoid going over a cliff. In fact it was remarkably short of information of any sort. The Irish border issue didn’t even rate a mention, but then issues affecting Ireland, just like Scotland and Wales, scarcely figure in the calculations of British nationalists like Boris. We are simply the colourful Celtic dressing which allows Boris to pretend that his British nationalism is really multinational non-nationalism and isn’t just another word for Little-Englander nationalism.

Instead of providing any answers to the concerns of remainers, Boris took the opportunity to attempt to show off his intellectual credentials and proceeded to slag off the EU in pseudo-intellectual terms.

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Boris Johnson being an intellectual is as plausible as your cat being altruistic, only not as cute and definitely not worth a wee video you’d want to share on Youtube. Boris called the EU a “teleological construction”, by which he meant that it was an organisation bent on the purposeful development of a pre-determined goal, which really describes any organisation.

So for example the Conservative party is a teleological construction with the goal of holding on to power by any means possible in order to preserve the privilege and wealth which allows the likes of Boris to have his overweening sense of entitlement, whereas the teleogical construction that is the Labour party has the purposeful goal of promising socialist jam while in opposition and then doing the opposite once they get elected.

The teleological goal that Boris was referring to in his speech was the supposed federal European superstate which only exists in the imagination of Daily Mail leader writers. It would be lovely if Brexit was also a teleological construction and was actually being planned by a competent government which had a definite purposeful goal in mind, however the only pre-determined goal in Brexit is the advancement of Boris Johnson’s career. For the rest of us, Brexit is teleological in the exact same sense as a game of Jenga, it’s going to end in pieces all over the floor and it won’t be Boris Johnson who has to deal with the resultant mess.

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In his speech, Boris referred to a “natural desire for self-government”. To which every supporter of Scottish independence replied, “Really? You don’t say, Boris.” This is one to add alongside such gems as, “We don’t currently have the full levers to make decisions in the interests of this country.” That’s courtesy of Chris Grayling. Or there’s, “I’m tired of hearing that we’re too little, too inconsequential.” So said Ian Duncan Smith. Or perhaps you prefer, “Are we really too small, too weak, and too powerless to make a success of self-rule?” That would be Michael Gove. Or how about, “I believe that the decisions which govern all our lives, the laws we must all obey and the taxes we must all pay should be decided by people we choose and who we can throw out if we want change.” That would be Michael Gove again. All of these are quotes which independence supporters have noted down and will be throwing back in the faces of Conservative politicians during the next Scottish independence referendum.

Boris Johnson is a laughing stock, widely derided in the UK as a clown. If people in the UK can’t take our own foreign secretary seriously, it’s probably better not to think about what kind of opinion foreign governments have about him.

All Boris Johnson achieved with his self-serving speech was to reinforce the sense that the British government is hell-bent on the hardest possible Brexit and that it has no clue about how to deal with the consequences. Despite being billed as a speech for Remainers, there were no words of comfort for Remainers in Boris’s words, and no comfort for Scotland either.