SAE, a couple o weeks ago ah decidit that ah wis finally done wi Twitter. The wide-ohs, the wasters, the endless argie-bargie – it wisnae ony o that. But ah’d come gey close tae haein the new Star Wars spoilt for me, an sae that wis that – finito. Ma hale life up tae noo has been a haudin pattern for mair Star Wars films. Ah wisnae aboot tae hae them mansplained tae me bi a wee bauchle wi an egg for a profile pic.

Ah neednae hae fashed masel. The social media stramash haesnae been aboot wha is the faither o wha, or whit gets blawn up when. Insteid, whit’s had the blawhards daein their nuts is the fact that aw the best characters in Star Wars are – ugh – women. The Last Jedi is twa an a hauf oors o men tryin tae burst each ither an women tryin tae talk some sense intae them. If ye’re wirrit that micht be a spoiler, ye’ve no been peyin attention tae the last few thoosand years o Western civilization.

It’s hairdly The Rights of Women, but nanetheless The Last Jedi has had the alt-right lashin oot aw ower the place like a cuddie that’s jist got stung bi a bee. Whit wi the new Doctor Who bein a wumman an aw, the poor sowels dinnae ken whether they’re comin or gaun. Masculinity is up agin the waw; it’s the Alamo, an the Y chromosome is makkin its final staun. “What happened to all the male heroes?” wailed yin wee chiel on Reddit. “Where did all the male heroes go?”

Weel, shucks … It’d bring tears tae a gless ee, for shuir. Equality, that’s aw these fowk are efter. Equality, like in the first three Star Wars films, which – gin ye tak oot Carrie Fisher – hae 63 seconds o female dialogue across the trilogy, pumped oot bi characters o sic dreich obscurity that tae name ony yin o them wad win ye a hale season o Pointless. Pit it this wey, ye’ll leuk faur for a lassie guisin as Luke Skywalker’s auntie this Halloween.

Fanboy notions o gender balance mebbe arenae that important. No when there’s real baddies tae fecht. But this is it. The thing aboot yer high-profile offenders, yer Donald Trumps an yer Harvey Weinsteins, is that they mak fowk think misogyny is a kind o acute disease wi a haunfu o carriers – infectious, nae dout, but isolatable an basically manageable. Bad aipples in a barrel that’s itherwise soond.

Weel, spoiler alert: it’s no jist the barrel that’s rotten. It’s the hale orchard. Sexism isnae the unique province o yer Trumps an yer Weinsteins; it’s everywhaur, in the stories we read an the music we listen tae an the films we choose tae watch. The culture that men hae flung thegither is yin in which women hae been marginalised since day dot. Whaur are the male heroes, speir the deplorables o Twitter. It’s a question we coud aw dae wi askin oorsels.

Men are failin. No aw men, as we’re ayeweys fawin ower oorsels tae point oot; the feelins o the fowk wha’ve had the rin o the place these last few millennia are obviously mair important than the actual physical safety o their wives an mithers an freends. Sae, awricht then. No aw men are misogynists. But aw women are victims o misogyny. An aw women, in oor society, are richt tae feel unsafe.

The statistics alane mak dismal readin. In 2017, incidents o reported sexual offences in Scotland reached an aw time high. Yin in 10 women in this kintrae hae experienced rape, an 40 per cent o Scots think victims wha wore revealin claes or were drunk were at least pairtly tae blame. We can aw blithely agree that sexual violence is no acceptable, but these statistics are symptoms o an endemic cultural sexism that stretches faur ayont the behaviour o sexual predators. Women are, as a maiter o coorse, shoutit doon on oor social media, talked ower in oor meetins, silenced in oor films, slavered ower on oor tellies, punchlined in oor jokes, an it’s men that are complicit in it aw. It’s men that are daein it, or lettin ither men awa wi daein it. As creators, consumers an citizens, either we ken whit’s gaun on an we’re no daein ocht tae fix it, or we dinnae ken an we’re no daein ocht tae fund oot. Whitever it is, it needs tae chynge.

Tae raise yer voice for anither group in society can feel awfy uncomfortable. Ah’m no black, ye think tae yersel. Ah’m no Muslim, ah’m no a wumman – whit richt hae ah tae act spokesperson for sic fowk? Tae let on tae unnerstaun their pasts an their pains? There’s a million answers tae that, but jist the yin will dae for noo. This sexist culture we’re talkin aboot wis a thing created principally by men for the purposes principally o men. Whit wey, then, dae we want tae caw that a women’s issue? Misogyny is clearly a men’s issue. Men are the yins tae blame for – an, tae the extent that onybody daes, the wans that benefit maist fae – the current system. That’s no a piece o PC self-flagellation. That’s a fact, tae be admitted humbly an confrontit bravely. An if we were able tae be honest aboot the weys that we’ve let doon women, then mebbe we coud stairt tae think aboot aw the ither things we coud be daein better – which, ah jalouse, is whit the hale independence jingbang is meant tae be aboot. But first things first.

We aw ken, in this kintrae, that oor comfortable lifestyles are supportit bi the privations o ither fowk. We ken it, but we dinnae ayeweys ken whit tae dae aboot it. Mebbes we buy Fairtrade, gin we think that maks a difference. Mebbes we shop ethically, when time an money allou. But maist o us are that owerwhelmed bi the scale o oor moral debts we cannae even begin tae imagine redressin them.

This is different. If men want women tae be treated differently, they dinnae hiv tae gie money tae charity, or sign petitions, or vote for the richt fowk an howp that they dae whit they say they will. Aw men need tae dae, if they want tae see women treated differently, is stairt treatin them differently. Yin easy step. It’ll no involve firin ony photons, or blawin onythin up. But we’ve had enough o thae kind o heroes. Heroism, sometimes, is listenin insteid o talkin. Heroism is chyngin oorsels insteid o the warld. Dae or dinna, as Yoda micht hae said. There is nae try.